Lost..

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It seems I've been here before..
Yeah I remember this place..
Where nothing feels right..
Where I always finish last place..
Why do I do it to myself?
Am I the one to blame?
I had to leave everything & everyone behind..by getting on that plane
But I just wanted to be high..
Higher than everybody else..
Now I'm just lower..
The lowest I've ever seen myself..
Every day's a struggle..
No, everyday's a disaster..
The say good things come to those who wait..
I've been waiting for 24 years..I guess it won't come any faster..
Don't pity me though..I've become friends with this sadness
It's the only love I know will always be there for me,some may see that as madness
Seeing things from your point of view..I probably would too
I just want to be someone you like,I hate that,but it's true
I just want to wake up different,somebody brand new
No matter how many poems I write..I still can't seem to get it right
The moon & stars are my only friends..They're always there for me at night..
I just woke up,I probably should start of my day in a better way..
Maybe I'll finally follow out my plans..and finally get away..

Don't try to understand me,many have failed in the past
The only way people will ever know what's wrong with me,is through the soundsofmywords or youhurtsowell, never when they ask
It's like everyday is Halloween,the way we all pretend to be somebody else..and hide behind these mask
I'm guilty too, yeah, I'm guilty too
I fall so love with my fantasies, even though I know they can never come true
I guess I'll keep writing..as long as BANKS is still singing..but I have her song 'Brain' on repeat..so it keeps going back to the beginning
And I wish I could go to...go back to when it all started
I wouldn't of let you kill yourself,that's probably when my madness all started
You were my best friend..and I wasn't there
You probably felt alone as I feel,like no one in the world cares
So I live on for you..you always liked guns and the military..funny how I ended up joining the Airforce too..
It's the 4th of July,but wtf are some fireworks going to do
Freedom isn't free,but I still sacrifice for you
So enjoy the time with your family & friends..I'll be here licking my wounds..trying to make amends

I guess I shouldn't end it like that,so bitter & so cold
Just don't take things for granted,hug that person if you have somebody to hold
I wish you the best,I really do
This is just another attempt to fight my demons,I'll be fine, this is nothing new
I take a deep breathe,and think maybe everything will be okay
I love you all, Namaste

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