305 To My City..

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I'm still seeing places..I never dreamed I would see

I will never forget the people who always seem to see things in me, that even I can't see…

I'm not sure where I would be without you..

I'm not going to lie,sometimes these days alone are hard without you

I won't stop until you can possibly have everything you ever want or dream

Half way across the world,UK to America but we will always remain a team

And I have some people in Dubai..it's more like a 'to be continued' not really a goodbye

One of my best friends just got sent home,

I didn't even get to see him off,sometimes I'm not too sure what thoughts are scrabbling around my dome

Talking to someone,but where will it go..where will it lead

Not thirsty for that,but I'm hungry for love,and lessons from history show that one of the biggest misfortunes are greed

So I'm slowly separating all the things I want versus all the things I need

Back in boot camp I knew it line for line,hate to admit it but now I probably couldn't even recite the Airman's Creed

Where is it all really going?

This is probably the only place where I can be totally honest..that's what all this writing is showing

Are we really happier not knowing? 

I feel like I'm missing the most important moments,I can't even see how fast my little brothers are growing

I get it,I get it

You will always be something special to me,don't you ever forget it

(281) (713) (832) that's my city

I would give it all up for you..I just wish you could be here with me..

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Secrets

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"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others and

the ones we hide from ourselves."

She said she feels alone,she feels all by herself

She wants to experience love,she never known how it felt

All the words don't mean a thing..

If they simply slide off the tongue and not from that warm place within

How can you make someone happy..?If you're not happy yourself

All these people around are just pretending..I'm the only one who really wants to help

But that isn't enough..nothing ever is

Nothings really changed,we just want to be accepted, kinda like we are all just that one new kid

These days occur more than often when I don't have much to say

At the end of the day,who is really listening anyway

No one really knows you, do they..

Making the same mistakes..

Will only bring you back to those places you hate

The illusion of love,is what they feed off of,but also what they mastered how to fake

So I'll tell you again..it's all just pretend

A wolf in sheep's clothing,an enemy as a friend

I hate this game we play..because no one really wins anyway

No one really knows me,do they..

Some things are better off left unsaid

They say 'Don't just a book by its cover' but does that still make it okay to judge after its been read

The only two things that should really matter,is what you feel in your heart & what you know in your head

But instead..

We treat each other like we are already dead

With no love in sight,no one will ever be alright

It has been a bad week & a cold and dark day

No one really knows us,do they..

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Vulnerable

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Is anyone out there really happy? I just want to know

It's been 23 years..and I just want to grow

Grow out this hell,and be set free from this spell

I have a couple cousins who live like their prisoners

It's like their house is just one big cell

And I used to live with them for a while

 I just wanted to set them free

So they can live life the way it's suppose to be

But what exactly is life suppose to be

I guess that will have to remain the biggest mystery 

I keep listening to sad songs..Maybe because they appeal the most to me

And I guess I didn't appeal to you

I always care too much about people who don't deserve it,but that's just me being too true

And I hate being honest

Always being told I'm too negative,but we're living in a world where nothing is promised

I wish I didn't have to be so nice,

If only I could treat these girls like all the other dudes do,with a heart & soul as cold as ice

What has your days really become?

It seems like you're searching for the wrong things..constantly having to be someone else to have fun

Why I'm here?And why are you reading this

Is everything going the way its supposed to..or is there something I missed

It's already November so that means December & Christmas is pretty near

I hate this time of year

Because people think fake smiles and presents can make up for the entire year for which they didn't show they care

I'm just trying to let it all out,because I'm tired of holding it in

The moment we can all be comfortable with who we truly are,is the day I think we can all win

This writing thing…I wonder if it's a blessing or a curse

O that's right,I can just pretend everything in my life is perfect,but that would be worse

So ready to find out my next base..England was cool & all but I think my heart is meant for another place

Learning that my dreams & goals are the only things I should chase

It's been two years…and I finally got to talk to her

I asked when I finally make my return to Florida..what are my chance of seeing her…but she wasn't sure

Things are different now..so I might of lost my place

I told her it's okay,I was the one who said we should just be friends..that was probably my biggest mistake

So now I'm just here & I don't know how to end this

It's like this poem is just one long angry text..not really sure if I should send this

But I already wrote it,so it's basically done

They say only the real are truly Vulnerable..so I guess I'll be the only one…

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Open Letter

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After while..we will stop trying to live life for other people

And we will start living life for ourselves 

One day we will wake up..and we will know

Exactly who we are and why we are here

It's easy to be told you're not pretty enough

Or you can't do this and that

But it's not true

Because the truth is so rarely spoken or heard

I really wish people would realize that we are all stuck here

So we might as well help each other instead or hurting one another

Some days I wake up hating myself for no reason..and I don't even know why

And that's disturbing since everyone is always telling me I'm a great person & I have a golden heart

What I'm trying to say, is that..we all see something different in each other

You might not see how great you are…but someone will

Don't change who you are,unless it's really something you want to do

I want for you to be able to say, you love you for you

and for it to be true

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Valerie

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If you knew I was drowning…would you just watch and point like the others

I could probably say there was one girl who actually cared..will I ever find another?

Because one day…I will no longer try to stay afloat 

Eventually after having so many holes inside of it..your heart will sink forever ..kinda like a boat

The lights are bright around me,but it's pitch black inside

You act like you care about me,but I can see through the real intentions you try to hide

Why do I play along?Maybe for once..I just want to be wrong

Still searching for where I belong,when you find the girl you want to take to the top…people won't be happy until you're shot back down like King Kong

Maybe I should diagnosed with something…but I don't want to be put on any medication or pills

I'd rather deal with it naturally,so I will continue to bleed out in my poems..untill one day it finally kills

It's all just a game,It's all just a game

But are the players..or the creators the ones to blame

Or is it equal…some treat love & war the same

They don't care…unless it's in their favor,something beneficial to gain 

Soundsofmywords might be done forever

But I was always told to never say never

I feel like it's time to focus on Youhurtsowell

Maybe just because I've been hurt so well

When your in that trance of 'love',you're probably under one of the strongest holds or spell

I still regret the things I did to you..if you couldn't tell

Every year it gets worse,the amount I have fell

Maybe meant to be an angel…but it feels like I keep getting closer to Hell

Hoping for the best,but expecting the worse

It's probably been half a year since I've been inside a church

Maybe this is what I get,always thought maybe it would be a blessing to forget

Things might never get better..is what I've learned to accept 

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Connect

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Just give me some time to figure some things out

Everytime I feel a little bit of turbulence,I just fall back and fly a different route

And she thinks I talk to too many girls..

If only she knew how much they didn't mean..what her & I share is totally on a completely different world

So now I'm just here thinking..what's she thinking

They say miracles can happen at a blink of a eye..so I'm just sitting here blinking

Every text or ring I get I hope its her..I told her everything I needed to tell her,but was it good enough..I won't be sure

So now I'm writing since it's basically the only decent thing I know how to do

It's funny how I was trying to let go of the past,but those same messages are the cause of the problems that we're going through

So I guess I have nobody to blame but me

It's been two years with nobody..but me

And she's number number three

And I don't want to go over five

That's only if God's willing and I'm still able to love & still be alive

Because life will push you to the edge..And how I'm feeling now..I'm ready to dive

I'm not afraid of the fall,I've been at the bottom before

Most of the time completely numb,so no one can hurt me more than I can hurt myself..and that's something I'm completely sure

I always vent to you..because I don't feel like there is anyone else safe to vent to

While I'm just writing these words,part of me feels like I'm meant to

"I'll still be around,when it all falls down,I wish you would learn to how to love people and use things and not the other way around"

So now everything is just laid out on the ground..

You were here the entire weekend,now my place is so quiet..silence is just the loudest sound

I guess I never learn,now I just want another tattoo..

I've kinda got used to the pain of the needle and the burn

And we both feel like we're going crazy inside

I told her that's nothing to be ashamed of,I so messed up I had to make two different blogs just to let everything out..I really have nothing to hide

Could probably write to this song forever..The say the first step is admitting you have a problem..so I hope we get better..

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Someone Like You pt.2

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And I'm just always so far away
No matter how close I get,something happens & I can no longer go that way
Looking so forward to the day
When all my prayers get answered and my family is finally okay
Living within a dream
Wondering if all the good things I do will ever mean anything

Sometimes it just takes too much
So much pressure,it feels like my spirit will soon be crushed
They say ' patience is a virtue ' so I try not to rush
What's the point of laying next to someone if they're is no emotional touch
If only love was as easy as lust..

23 years and the world still isn't any clearer
A picture might be worth a thousand words,but what words come to mind when you look in the mirror
Find the person who would cry you a river
Whenever you make a promise..do your best to deliver
I promise if yours was ever failing..I would lay on that table & give you my liver
She has hurt me once before..now I'm not too sure if it's smart to forgive her..

Missing home..
No matter how much people are around..I just always feel alone
It seems only music can lift me out of this zone
The worst part of being a king,is the feeling you get once your overthrown
Feeling like you're no longer wanted,or that no one cares
These are just some real thoughts that it feels like no one else is willing to share
I want to make you so happy,so happy that it brings you to tears
Roller coasters,heights,being in the middle of the sea & failure are some of my biggest fears
I have a feeling I'll overcome them all once the end of my time is near
What I wouldn't do to go back there
Always distant but you helped me feel here
They say the good ones go..so I do my best to prepare
Hate will make things more foggy,so try loving to see clear
Waiting for them to create the first time machine so I can travel so far ahead or behind
that I can finally disappear
I'm not really sure how I feel about the electric chair
'There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed & blissfully unaware'
-Doug Larson
Maybe my feelings have gone too numb
When you're living in a foreign country,everybody back home always ask when your going to come
You don't know what you got till it's gone
I feel true love disappeared years go..I need someone like you to show me I'm wrong..

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Paris Morton

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I wonder if I can still make it back to you

He's the only one who has my back,so I had to get my cross tattoo

Everyday is so strange,at times I just don't know what to do

People I've known for years,and we still share conversations like we're new

But I guess that's just life,we all won't stay close forever

You might wonder if I ever doubted you..the answer is never

I just look forward to that moment when everything finally comes together

Things might suck at the moment,we just have to keep moving forward until they get better

Now that I think about it,all my poems are just open letters

To those of the unknown,and to those whose face's in my heart will be forever known 

Still trying to find a substitute for happiness,but that's just one of those things we can't duplicate or clone

My heart stays in the shadows,in the darkness alone

Worry about flying,not about how much further others have flown

Their story will never be the same as yours

Will continue to get a rise in diseases but still no increase on cures

Sometimes all you need is your mind to open up those doors

Don't place limits on yourself,that's not what life is about

Dead end's just mean maybe we're meant to take a different route

You have to really take the time to understand someone on the inside,if you ever plan to figure them out

Seeing a lot of different place..but the faces look the same

Everyone just wants to be loved,because on one wins in a broken hearted game

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Pound Cake

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Stuck in a place,I guess I'm meant to be
Refusing to let anyone hold me back,I'm gonna be,everything I want to be
And you should do the same
Like a shark in the water,your ambition should be hard to tame
Always keep love in your heart,even if the whole world hates you..
People will try & tell you,your dreams won't come true..They must of forgot..They Ain't you..
Dream On..
Dream On..
The right people will never tell you, you're right when you're wrong
Sometimes when you stop trying to put everything together,that's when things start coming along
They won't love you until you're dead or gone
I guess I can never relate..
I just don't see the purpose of all the hate..

I used to pray for the day someone would save me
But I learned after all these years,that only I can save me
When you speak the truth,people will look at you like your crazy
Santa Claus never existed to me,I guess my mom was showing me honesty is the best policy ever since I was a baby
And I love her for that,
You have to remember once you give someone your heart,
You can never get it back
But I realized when it's in pieces it's easier to share
Now a days,peoples opinions start to mean less,I only acknowledge the ones who show me they care
And I'm always praying the end is near,We have millions around the world..suffering because murder,rape & pain is all they hear
I always think about the ones who don't have it as easy as me
The more I learn about the truth of the world,the more I understand why some pretend not to see..
War is stupid,
Instead of building weapons,we should be building artificial cupids
Because love will always conquer all,
Hate & destruction will just make us all fall
Wishing people could learn how to help each other..
Sometimes life only gives you one chance..you might not get another..

Sad to say..but it's usually true..
People will have no problem talking about your business
Before even taking any time of day.. getting to know you..
But let them talk..the real ones will stay..the rest will walk..
Is there a certain prayer I should say? Is there an amount of love I need to give away?
I just don't want to go knowing I haven't helped the ones behind me
I always search for you..even if I never find me
We probably won't change the world in one day..
But I think the important part is we're thinking of saving it some day..

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Tears In The Rain..

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We must all be in different worlds,There's no way it's all be the same
Trying to balance on the thin line between happiness & pain
What last, never comes easy,And things that come easy never last
The only way to build a brighter future,is to let go of the darkness, of the past
How do you really do that..is a question I really never learned how to ask
It's like everyday is Halloween around here,nobody is fucking real..everyone is hiding behind some kind of mask
I guess everyone just wants to 'fit in',but what's the point if you can never show who you truly are within
They warn us of what not to do,but still everyday we choose to sin
I guess somewhere deep inside us,we know God will overcome all,& he will always win
And it seems everybody back home wants me to be with them,if only I had a clone or a twin
But somehow I know that wouldn't be enough
Always remember..without 'us' there can be no tr'us't
So I hope you trust me
The words 'I love you' don't me a thing,if you can't show me,you love me
They say a picture says a thousand words..so I wonder what my poems say
I know they will mean something to someone,well eventually one day

It's like music is my only escape,the only chance I can get away
Who would've thought I would of made it to England anyway
Like is full of surprises
One moment everything is falling apart,the next somehow everything rises
We all need hope during any crisis
They say the best things in life are free,but why does love feel like it comes with all these prices
The price of letting go,the price of holding on
The joy of birth,the sorrow of saying bye to someone who is forever gone
It's weird to say,but hopefully I won't have to bury any of my little brothers or my mom
Because without them,I'm not sure if I would've made it this long

Everything happens for a reason,but that reason isn't always clear
I always tell myself,I won't fall in love,I'll learn how not to care
But it's like our hearts have a mind of their own,they fall for the heartbeat they want to hear

A Lot of it is pointless,like 'Tears in the Rain'
Sometimes it's not about far you have to go,but how far you came
Don't forget they don't know your story,only your name
You will always be more special than them,There's no way you're the same

"I have no recollection
Of the life I had without her
I let it slip away, away, away
It's so sad it had to be this
I forgot the good things about her
I let it slip away, away, away"

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The Ride

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When life takes you on the ride,you just have to remember to hold on
And for every sad moment,there is a sad song
I hope all the things I do right will always out number the ones I do wrong
We all are just searching..searching for that place we truly belong
'So Far So Gone',I'm not sure how I long I will be gone
It might feel like forever but sometimes the greatest achievements take long
My mind is so clouded,I think I just need a couple more puffs to finish the rest of this bong
No matter how close we may be,we might never ever get along
Even in your darkest moments,you just have to remember the light in your heart is strong

I don't know what to do,I don't know what to say
Is it normal to just watch the things you care about the most, just slowly slip away?
But then again..what is truly normal anyway
Even if my actions don't show it,I truly hope all of you are okay
You might not understand,but I woke up & realized everything had to change one day
Now I don't know if it's safe to go back
Who cared about who more?Was anyone even keeping track
When I gave them my heart,they acted like they didn't know how to react
The people who truly cared used to be so clear,now the vision is all black
And so is my heart,but I still feel a piece of the old me intact
You could have everything in the world,but people will still make up something you lack
So always believe in yourself,alot of us just don't know how to act
But then again,actors are all I see
I wonder if people would be themselves if they didn't have anyone else around to copy
All these stolen hearts & minds,but no one cares about that robbery
I use to cry for you..now I don't even sob for me

And this is just 'The Ride',I can't wait till its over
I pray for the ones with the need to always be drunk or high,with the hate to be sober
But I can't blame them,when life is like this
It seems like most of the time,it's either a hit or miss
And everyone just wants to have sex or kiss
They barely even know each other,but as they say ..'Ignorance is bliss'

My thoughts are never the same
Look how far we came
No matter the distance,we can still remember the pain
I just hope one of us make it out of this ride called life.. sane

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The Town

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The madness,the strain, from trying to do it all alone
The pain,
The countless sunny days stolen by the rain
The hurricane,you're the storm that destroyed everything
The plane,that carried our future,that I guess didn't mean anything
The brain,that didn't think..how far I would drown
The sink,that just sends everything spiraling down
The frown,that I now permanently wear
The crown,you deserve for being that heartless with not one care

The thoughts,I can't escape
The cost,for not playing it safe
The love,I now hate
The beloved,who never figured out it was all fake
The change,that they promise wont happen
The strange,way things feels when you start to feel an unwelcoming distraction

The cries may seem silent,but they are the loudest thing to me
They said things would get better,but this couldn't be what they were talking about..no it couldn't be
Why do I allow all  this darkness to manifest in me
I've learned so well to pretend
And they will all believe I'm happy until the end
Maybe I should stop writing,maybe I shouldn't write again
But I'm hurting for you so,you're not hurting alone my friend
I can't even remember when I began to be like this,no I can't remember when

Maybe I should get help..but I feel love is the only cure
The only problem is...I'm not too sure if I believe in love anymore

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Professional

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I'm telling you, I'm telling you
You don't understand
Everyday, Everyday, I say I'm going to change
But life never goes as planned
One second I want to fly
The next I just want to land

("It's ideal..you need someone to tell you how to feel
and you think your happiness is real,there is so much more the world has to revel")

This beat is unique,
blocking out everyone,does that mean I getting stronger or does it show that I'm weak
I know I can do so much more in life,I still haven't reached my peak
'Kiss Land' by The Weeknd,he loves us so much,he made his album leak
Now I just want silence,only the words from my poems will speak
Turning my back on everything I used to seek
Nothing in this life is promised,There is nothing for us to keep
I'm constantly dreaming while I'm awake,I don't even need to sleep

("Because everything you'll been through has made you stronger
And everyday you learn about yourself
and nothing will be played out like it's suppose too")

What will my final answer be?
If I keep changing the lock on my heart,it won't matter who has the key
Sometimes I'm not even sure if I believe in me
But I still believe in God,even he though he might be something I never see
Life is just life,in the end does it really matter
The real me would rather be anti-social and avoid all the chatter
In a world where we are forced to fit in
In a world where at a young age,we are programmed to want to win
So what if now I want to lose,what if I want to throw everything away,and losing if what I choose
They say with time all things will heal,but my heart still has this black bruise and it's preventing me from believing anything you say to me is real

Hate it when people ask me what's wrong or if I'm okay
Maybe if they read my poems,they will understand that only here is where I feel safe to say everything I need to say
The clouds in your world might be blue,but it mine they are always gray
But I wouldn't want them any other way
Some of us have to pay for the mistakes the other people refuse to pay
The sadness that can't be erased,the pursuit of happiness I refuse to chase
Everyday you continue to lie to yourself,is just another day you choose to waste
So accept the truth,and do things at your own pace

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The Birds..

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We have this thing called 'love'
Some abuse it,or some just don't know how to use it
It's one of the hardest things to find,and it hurts beyond words when you lose it

And when I hear the start of 'The Birds', I start to get chills
All these thoughts from the past,none of these shots of hard liquor can kill
I guess we should be happy it happened,or glad it's done
But what do you do,when the party is over,and all the fun is done?
Who do you go to?How far do you need to run?
I guess you & I, is a horrible mixture, like drinking loads of rum & loading a gun
To me the moon is the most beautiful thing,the sun is just the sun
And everyone pretends to be so happy,that shit gets on my nerves
All those nights when my hands used to get lost on all your curves
I always write about the things I should keep a secret
But I'd be safe,because this is just my blog,it's not like anyone's going to read it
I've seen alot in these 23 years,but I haven't seen enough
Learned from a young age,it's okay to be who you are,we don't all have to act tough
Some days are going to suck,some days are going to be rough,
But you have to believe in yourself,you're the first person who needs your trust
I'm sorry,sometimes I just go on rants and write,I've come to accept that maybe things will never be alright
No longer try to escape these thoughts at night,
I just try and focus on helping the ones around me shine bright..

Once you hit the bottom,the only way to go is up
I have faith in my 3 little brothers,that on day they will catch up
Or better yet even surpass me,When I'm I coming back home..is the question everyone always asks me
Tomorrow will make it 2 years since Ive been gone
I hope in your eyes...I've done more right then wrong
My heart & mind are rarely getting along
So now I just try to live my life through the words of my favorite song
'Hold on We're Coming Home' who knew things would take this long
Who knew our hearts could be so strong
I know problems only get worse when they are something you prolong
The faster we all take care of them,the faster we can all get along
That's is something I always talk about..because I just want peace
Peace with who is living...Peace with the deceased
Some go to early,Some go to soon
Always shoot for the stars,so if you miss..you will land on the moon
Before I go,I want to leave you with these words..
Spread your wing,fly high,don't get stuck in anyone's cage..be as free as a bird

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GoodBye

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I'd rather be a ghost than be a shadow
Use to feel real high,now I just feel mad low
I don't know what's better,holding on or letting go
If all they do is tell us lies,what truth do we really know
I think I'm scared to love again
Because if I fall for her once again, It's going to be the same story all over again
I say fuck life,I just want to write
And for once open my eyes and see that the world is alright
I try to talk to God at night
But he won't give me the answers,so I assume as long as the sun continues to rise,everything will be alright
Also keep thinking about my next tattoo
The pain of the needle doesn't come close to the pain I hold inside,but most of you don't have a clue
And they say if it fits you,go ahead and wear that shoe
But we have people walking around homeless & shoeless,what's a poor soul suppose to do
I always hear about the talk of change,but nothings changed,we all are still on a different page
Or chapter or book
Even the blind can see,all the things that we overlook
The things that matter,the people who care
I just want to go back to when we were kids,and the coolest games were spin the bottle and truth or dare
But I dare
You to try to be different,instead of being the same
Look back 5 years,and see how far you came
When there's a drought,we cry for rain
But then when it rains too much,we don't want it anymore,we're so confused
we treat life like a game

Starting to fade away again,maybe it's too late to pull me back
Always having visions if I went away today,just how everyone would react
Everyday we do the same thing,I think we are all searching for the same thing
But most of us don't even know it,probably won't ever even show it
Take away all the things we don't need,what if there was never a thing as greed
What if the only hunger we ever had to feed
Was the hunger for love,we can start now,question is..who's brave enough to take the lead
Lost in the clouds,lost in the sky
I just hope when I die,heaven doesn't pass me by
But I don't think that could happen,even if I try
We all just need a second,to close our eyes and tell our fears goodbye

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