Never Die..

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She looks in the mirror,but she hates what she sees
Everyone around her gives her compliments on her beauty,but she never believes
Because they only want her for her appearance,with their sly words..they try to deceive
But after the first guy broke her heart apart,she promised herself that... that's something no one will
ever achieve

The days are long,the nights are too
The list is short,of the ones who still remain true
So what is there really to do?When it feels like there is no one out there for you?
How do you move on?How can you possibly continue?
I heard some secrets along the way of holding onto hope..and embracing the person within you

He thinks about the future,on how to obtain happiness & success
He's living in a new country now,he doesn't know what to expect
All the ones who love him are so far away..
But freedom isn't free..so that's the price he must pay
Living life, day by day
Thoughts of going A-wall,and just running away..
But he has a couple people looking up to him,so he decides to stay
Life is the only game,that you have no choice but to play

You want to help..you just don't know how
Your friend is hurting inside,but they always say their fine..so just how much do you really allow?
You decide to let it go for a couple of days..
Now your on a school bus home..in front of his house..is a non stop of yellow tape on display
The kids run off the bus,since they've never seen that except on movies and tv shows
The police won't answer any question,is Kevin okay?No one seems to know
So you go home and tell your mom,
She calls Kevin's parents,and after a while she just goes silent for very long
She doesn't know how to tell her son,that his best friend is gone
And all the boy could think about..is what did he do wrong
What was so bad,that he had to pull the trigger?
That was 11 years ago..but these thoughts still haunt him..so many things to consider
He never got to tell his best friend goodbye..
A close casket funeral..so no last looks with his eye
So I live on in the name of you Kevin..I always try
You always wanted to join the military,so here I am in the Air Force..wishing I could give you these wings so you could fly..
Once you mean alot to a poet,you'll live on forever in their poems..so I'll make sure the memory of you will never die.
It's days like this..that I still ask myself why

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She Knows..

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She knows but she won’t tell..
She promises them the Heavens..but realistically they will only be left burning in hell
She knows that true love is hard to find
She knows the only true obstacles are the ones she keeps in her mind
She doesn't know she will always be the one that got away..the one I could never call mine..

He thinks she will come back again..
He believes her when she tells him that this new guy is just a friend
He wants to hold on to her since, she’s his everything
He doesn't know,that she’s giving everything up to this new guy..she offers him anything

I thought that maybe our love would be different..maybe it would stay true
I even watched all those corny love movies..just for some ideas of what to do ..
I saw the pictures in the camera I got you for Christmas ..but still told myself they can’t be real..
I never knew in a split second..I could feel enough rage to kill ..
And the next just wanting to die
I never wished i was blind before..until seeing those images of you and him laying together..with my own two eyes

She doesn't know everything she broke apart..
She doesn't know she will never be forgiven..for breaking his heart
She thinks he’s okay..since he’s so accustomed to hiding is pain
She thinks he’s okay now..but truth is…he’ll never be the same…

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Wicked Games...

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You're there are alone..
No missed calls or text on your phone..
A house full of family members laughing downstairs..makes you feel even more alone
Why do you feel so alienated?
It seems like while everyone else was blessed,you were cursed when you were created
You just want to feel love..
You just want to be loved..
You just need someone to care..
You just need someone to acknowledge your presences is there..
No one can relate with what you go through everyday
They all say they'll be there for you..but you know, they know that's just the correct thing to say
You wonder what's the meaning of life..if you're feeling like this
You crave the touch of another loving soul..you still try to create the feelings of your first kiss
But they always leave...why do they always leave
crying yourself to sleep..wishing you could forget how to breathe..
These movies and books don't portray the real thing..
Just once Hollywood,show the world the real thing..
Show them  what we go through everyday..
When we no longer want to go on another day..
We'll just be the voices never heard..
Silence is the deadliest thing..but its the loudest thing in my world..
So I won't say another thing..I won't say another thing..
Youhurtsowell..So I guess you win..

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Are You?

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We're all secretly searching for that one thing..for some, it's a person,for others it's just
anything
To fill this bleak emptiness we feel inside,but many of us disguise our sadness with a mask..because of our pride
But we have nothing to be ashamed of,no need to hide
We've all been alone girl,the important thing is..we continued..we survived
You've made it this far without him or her..
Soon enough you'll be better off without them,this phase will only be a blur
I've been to the bottom,all the way to the floor
A place where I didn't want to eat,or do any of the things I loved anymore
I would just listen to sad songs,and wish I didn't have to be alive no more..
But those feelings are long gone..
Now I scribble the words to my own song
I realized I was in control of my own happiness
All along...
Hopefully this will be a wake up call to you
Are you really going to let them take ...all your happiness away from you???

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Angel in my dream..

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I dreamt of you today..just a moment ago
The thing is..I have no idea who you are..we have never spoken before..never exchanged ‘hello’
I don't even know if you're even dead or alive..
But after feeling so dead before,you've know awoken something inside me…something I never knew was alive
How can this be?
I've never dreamt of you before..
Maybe I have..a thousand times before
With a dream so powerful..it makes you want to continue dreaming
I can hear fireworks outside my window now,little kids filled with excitement & joy,tons of music and joyful screaming,
But none of that is as loud as you..
How you echo throughout my soul..the way you do
I guess I’ll have to call this ‘Angel in my dream’
Until we meet again…reality vs fantasy.. we'll meet somewhere in between

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Just So..

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I wish you were here with me..as I'm about to take a nap..
Just to have you close to me..just so I can know you're okay
Just so I can turn around as many times as I desire to see your face
Just so I won't feel so alone 
Just so I can squeeze you
Just so I can please you
Just so I can hear your laugh again
Just so you can lay on my chest while I play with your hair
Just so this bed wouldn't feel so big & empty
Just so we could be close all day..
But just so isn't so easy..knowing we are so far away..

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Lost..

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It seems I've been here before..
Yeah I remember this place..
Where nothing feels right..
Where I always finish last place..
Why do I do it to myself?
Am I the one to blame?
I had to leave everything & everyone behind..by getting on that plane
But I just wanted to be high..
Higher than everybody else..
Now I'm just lower..
The lowest I've ever seen myself..
Every day's a struggle..
No, everyday's a disaster..
The say good things come to those who wait..
I've been waiting for 24 years..I guess it won't come any faster..
Don't pity me though..I've become friends with this sadness
It's the only love I know will always be there for me,some may see that as madness
Seeing things from your point of view..I probably would too
I just want to be someone you like,I hate that,but it's true
I just want to wake up different,somebody brand new
No matter how many poems I write..I still can't seem to get it right
The moon & stars are my only friends..They're always there for me at night..
I just woke up,I probably should start of my day in a better way..
Maybe I'll finally follow out my plans..and finally get away..

Don't try to understand me,many have failed in the past
The only way people will ever know what's wrong with me,is through the soundsofmywords or youhurtsowell, never when they ask
It's like everyday is Halloween,the way we all pretend to be somebody else..and hide behind these mask
I'm guilty too, yeah, I'm guilty too
I fall so love with my fantasies, even though I know they can never come true
I guess I'll keep writing..as long as BANKS is still singing..but I have her song 'Brain' on repeat..so it keeps going back to the beginning
And I wish I could go to...go back to when it all started
I wouldn't of let you kill yourself,that's probably when my madness all started
You were my best friend..and I wasn't there
You probably felt alone as I feel,like no one in the world cares
So I live on for you..you always liked guns and the military..funny how I ended up joining the Airforce too..
It's the 4th of July,but wtf are some fireworks going to do
Freedom isn't free,but I still sacrifice for you
So enjoy the time with your family & friends..I'll be here licking my wounds..trying to make amends

I guess I shouldn't end it like that,so bitter & so cold
Just don't take things for granted,hug that person if you have somebody to hold
I wish you the best,I really do
This is just another attempt to fight my demons,I'll be fine, this is nothing new
I take a deep breathe,and think maybe everything will be okay
I love you all, Namaste

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