Hold On,We're Going Home..

picture source

And I just want to be home..

Home is where the heart is…and it seems ever since we started talking,with you is where my heart has grown

You came out of nowhere,an angel with no wings..I wonder how far you flown

For you to get to me,and for me to get to you

Sometimes I drift off and think about how all my decisions in life magically got me to you

Some thing won't ever be explained,Some questions won't ever be answered

It looks like with time, some prayers actually get answered..

Prayed for a girl like you..I don't really care what happens to the world if it doesn't include a happy you

A happy Isabell,is priceless thing to me

They say love is blind,but you do the exact opposite to me

With you I can see…

I see how great life can be

I see a beauty I have never seen

I see the twinkle in the stars

I see I'm the happiest I've ever been thus far

I see the girl of my dreams when I go to sleep

I see her face when I wake up and she's still asleep

I see the smile we put on each other's faces when we speak

I see how we take care of one another when we're weak

I see that you're the secret of happiness,one I failed to keep

I look forward to the day when I can hold your hand while your driving and say 'Hold On, We're Going Home'

A safe heaven we built together,with no ones help but our own…

picture source
music source

Where Do I Start..

So where do I start Bell..

Being with you is an indescribable feeling. A feeling people can only feel once felt..

Sometimes I might give you too many baby kisses..or shower you with tiny gifts..but that's how I show my love..and it's something I can't help

But you helped me in ways you may never know..only by showing all our flaws..can any of us really grow..

So I hope to grow with you..as long as we can

No matter the time length..I'm just happy I had the chance to be your man

I'm just writing from the heart..so I hope you can understand..

Faced with decisions..we are faced with so many every day

But at the end of it all..we still choose each other..and I wouldn't prefer it any other way

And you live a couple hours away..

But distance means nothing..when only when they are together..do our hearts feel okay..

I hope to help you reach to a place that's more than okay..a place where all your dreams come true..and that's scary since that might depend on

if you leave or stay… 

Leave or stay..

Who knows if Denmark will be better for you..life just gives us these cards we're dealt..so sometimes we have no choice but to play

And I'm playing for you..fuck it, I'll bet it all..bet it all for you

Donkeys,turtles & cats…almost forgot the moon..I know how much we love that

Then theres that tea..your yogurt & salt..these crazy things you like..will always be imprinted on my heart

But damn,where do I start Bell..

Where do we start..

Maybe with those three special words and I hate when we're apart..

They say your life doesn't truly begin..until you find the person whose broken pieces fit perfectly with your own dismantled heart..

"According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves." -Plato

For My Brother Chris..

No rest in peace will ever do, So I had to sit down & write this in memory of you..

And it's like fuck man, now you're really gone

You always were that big brother to be…who helped me move along

Would it be wrong..to say that this world did you wrong?

I know the type of person you were deep down inside..You were more than just strong

I wish I was there to maybe jump too or to hold you back…

Now I'm just thinking of you & Kevin..confused why they put us in a place where when you try to love..it doesn't love back

So numb inside…that I don't now how to react

Would give it all away..just to bring you back..

Bring you back to when we were kids..

From bunk-beds..to summer camp..You went through a lot..but you kept the darkness hid

Now it's all brought to the light..I don't care about the facts…I'm just hurting to know that you weren't alright

From Germany all the way to heaven..in my thoughts & poetry is where you always stay..

I tell myself this world wasn't good enough for you..and in my opinion that's how it will always stay..

You'll live forever,the memory of you will never die..

I still don't want to believe it..but sooner or later I'll eventually breakdown and cry..

And everyone is wondering why..

The truth is..we all know life sucks..there's no need for us to try to find a reason..or anything for us to justify

This doesn't change a thing..

No Chris,this doesn't change a thing..

I wish I had some pictures of us,but sadly they're all the wayback home..

We used to chill with John,Blake,Akram,Shelby,Trevor & Taylor..that will always be the fam..you loved to rep New York..but Houston always felt like home

Now I'm sitting in my place all alone..wondering what made you feel so alone

Man, if I would of known..

I bet everyone is secretly thinking to themselves if only I would of known..

That's the problem though..people only seem to care when it's too late

Why does it take someone to die,for all of our feelings to all of a sudden become awake..

I'm guilty too..I'm guilty too..

I had to isolate myself from everyone else..since I've made some bad decisions too

But this this isn't about me..this is suppose to be for you..

I'll make sure to help take care of little Mike.. and no matter what man..we will always still be proud of you..

It's crazy to know that we are the same age..

I just wish we were on the same chapter..same book..same page

I always feared of losing someone..while being so far away

But now that I think of it..no matter the distance..most of us are still so far away..

You have to treat each other like everyday is your last day..

Tell people you love them,send them flowers..don't wait until they pass away..

I don't really know how to end this Chris..so I'll probably secretly write a part 2.

Just know that we will always be brothers..And that I will always love you.

picture source

Stay With Me (Who's Theme)

picture source

And I'm still here..

Helplessly waiting for you..

Please don't abandon me..

Like the rest always do..

I might act invincible..and o' so brave..

But the truth is,

My biggest fear is dying unloved,alone in an unvisited grave

So stay with me..

Stay with me please..

With you the days don't feel so unbearable..

You seem to bring the joy out of me with ease..

I promise to do my best..

To the others,it seemed like the worse..

But sometimes we need a blessing in our lives..

To overcome the curse..

So stay with me..

Stay with me please..

I don't want to hurt anymore..

And you make all the pain seize..

Stay with me,I promise to stay true

I haven't met anyone worth all my love before…That was until I met someone like you..

picture source
music source

Bell..

picture source

How do you still do this?

Even when you're not here..

How did you suddenly show me all the stars..

When all I saw before was pure darkness in the air..

How did you make all the happiness come by?

You went from the person I was the most nervous to even call on the phone..

To the person whom I hate to tell goodbye..

So you left today…

But a little of you stays with me all the time

We weren't searching for what we now have..

But that what's makes our love an even better find..

And when I'm with you..all communication with the rest of the world stops..

It's like heaven finds your location..and just suddenly drops..

Since everything is so heavenly with you,we always make plans of what we are going to do

But we barely make it out the door,since there's nothing better than cuddling with you..

Maybe this should be a private poem,but you're no longer a secret

I mean when you feel so strongly about someone..you should let the world feel it

Since all we ever see & talk about..is all the negative stuff on the news..

I'm not saying we should ignore those things..but love is the first thing I will choose

So I choose you,

I'll be waiting here for you to get back form your trip..and then we can do all the things you want to do

It's funny, people always say they want you to be happy,but they never want to see you in love..

I remember when I was a little boy,how I used to pray for God to send me an angel from above..

I'm not going to lie,after a while..I gave up and stopped believing 

I've lost so many people through and got you in return..so I guess life & I are now are finally even..

No matter where we are,we can always find our love in the sky

I'm going to love you so well,that all the other guys from the past are going to regret ever letting you slip by..

May all your dreams come true,

You have the chance to do everything you desire to do,

That everyday we're together feel new,

And in a year from now,we can look back and smile how much we grew..

picture source

Be Free..

picture source

So your gone..you're really gone..

I always thought you would live forever..I guess I was wrong..

I just hope & pray your spirit rests in the place where it belongs..

I can't drink or tattoo the pain away anymore..so I just pretend I'm 'normal' and play along

So what is it going to take for them to wake up..

All these unjustified murders just paint the face of the world so ugly..there's no covering it up..no make up

These killings of them,is killing me

"All we want to do is break the chains off,all we want to do is be free"

And it scary..to know that one day that could be being murdered on the tv

I have three little brothers..and I could only imagine the pain & hate that fills your soul after losing a part of your family

So my heart goes out to you..

When the people who are suppose to protect you are the murderers..what are you suppose to do?

And justice will never be served..

How many of our people have to die..until our cries are finally heard?

"Don't just stand around,don't just stand around"

How the hell do they expect us to carry on,after seeing our loved one bloody on the ground

And all of it has made me feel so uneasy..

Because loving each other should be so easy..

But they don't get it…no, they don't get it

But I bet if a cop gets shot,the news will never forget it

"Stop killing us"

Please stop killing us..

How many deaths is it going to take

Until they start hearing us?

picture source
music source

Mockingbird..

picture source

I know that feeling all to well,when it's like you're never heard

Everyone promises to be there,but words are just words

So all you can do now is think about the future with hopes that it will be better

You let your first love slip right out of your hands,now no matter how many new memories you try to make…you still can't forget her

And your best friend is gone too,the cops say he left your name in his very last letter

But I promise to always write to you,and never hold back anything..even down to my very last letter

Now everything falling apart man, it feels like I'm the only one who doesn't know how to put it back together

I finally understand why all good things come to an end…I wouldn't feel any pleasure of going through life like this forever..

So in a couple of days, I'll be 24

But I don't have any wishes,I don't really believe in those types of things anymore

I believe in what you give is what you get back

Just sometimes it's not as clear,so we don't always see that

But then again, I don't think you know what I see in you

Yeah,I aways write about it..but it doesn't seem like you believe it's true

You're one of the strongest people I've ever met

This xo tattoo means more than what meets the eye,it makes sure I won't ever forget

You saved me from myself,after days of having those thoughts..I might have done something I would of regret

But you took the first step…showed me it's okay not to be prefect

The person staring back at you in the mirror is the first person you should really worship

And the end of the year is almost here..

I haven't spent any holidays with my family in almost 3 years

But it's okay,since the love is still there

This military life will test all the boundaries,and help show the ones who really care

I've been really quite lately,you've probably noticed that

Sometimes I just need to take a moment & take a step back

Appreciate more of what you have,than wanting the mealiness things you feel you lack

People can try to help lead you in the right direction,but ultimately only you can put your life back on the right track

picture source
music source

Never Die..

picture source

She looks in the mirror,but she hates what she sees
Everyone around her gives her compliments on her beauty,but she never believes
Because they only want her for her appearance,with their sly words..they try to deceive
But after the first guy broke her heart apart,she promised herself that... that's something no one will
ever achieve

The days are long,the nights are too
The list is short,of the ones who still remain true
So what is there really to do?When it feels like there is no one out there for you?
How do you move on?How can you possibly continue?
I heard some secrets along the way of holding onto hope..and embracing the person within you

He thinks about the future,on how to obtain happiness & success
He's living in a new country now,he doesn't know what to expect
All the ones who love him are so far away..
But freedom isn't free..so that's the price he must pay
Living life, day by day
Thoughts of going A-wall,and just running away..
But he has a couple people looking up to him,so he decides to stay
Life is the only game,that you have no choice but to play

You want to help..you just don't know how
Your friend is hurting inside,but they always say their fine..so just how much do you really allow?
You decide to let it go for a couple of days..
Now your on a school bus home..in front of his house..is a non stop of yellow tape on display
The kids run off the bus,since they've never seen that except on movies and tv shows
The police won't answer any question,is Kevin okay?No one seems to know
So you go home and tell your mom,
She calls Kevin's parents,and after a while she just goes silent for very long
She doesn't know how to tell her son,that his best friend is gone
And all the boy could think about..is what did he do wrong
What was so bad,that he had to pull the trigger?
That was 11 years ago..but these thoughts still haunt him..so many things to consider
He never got to tell his best friend goodbye..
A close casket funeral..so no last looks with his eye
So I live on in the name of you Kevin..I always try
You always wanted to join the military,so here I am in the Air Force..wishing I could give you these wings so you could fly..
Once you mean alot to a poet,you'll live on forever in their poems..so I'll make sure the memory of you will never die.
It's days like this..that I still ask myself why

picture source
music source

She Knows..

picture source

She knows but she won’t tell..
She promises them the Heavens..but realistically they will only be left burning in hell
She knows that true love is hard to find
She knows the only true obstacles are the ones she keeps in her mind
She doesn't know she will always be the one that got away..the one I could never call mine..

He thinks she will come back again..
He believes her when she tells him that this new guy is just a friend
He wants to hold on to her since, she’s his everything
He doesn't know,that she’s giving everything up to this new guy..she offers him anything

I thought that maybe our love would be different..maybe it would stay true
I even watched all those corny love movies..just for some ideas of what to do ..
I saw the pictures in the camera I got you for Christmas ..but still told myself they can’t be real..
I never knew in a split second..I could feel enough rage to kill ..
And the next just wanting to die
I never wished i was blind before..until seeing those images of you and him laying together..with my own two eyes

She doesn't know everything she broke apart..
She doesn't know she will never be forgiven..for breaking his heart
She thinks he’s okay..since he’s so accustomed to hiding is pain
She thinks he’s okay now..but truth is…he’ll never be the same…

picture source
music source

Wicked Games...

picture source

You're there are alone..
No missed calls or text on your phone..
A house full of family members laughing downstairs..makes you feel even more alone
Why do you feel so alienated?
It seems like while everyone else was blessed,you were cursed when you were created
You just want to feel love..
You just want to be loved..
You just need someone to care..
You just need someone to acknowledge your presences is there..
No one can relate with what you go through everyday
They all say they'll be there for you..but you know, they know that's just the correct thing to say
You wonder what's the meaning of life..if you're feeling like this
You crave the touch of another loving soul..you still try to create the feelings of your first kiss
But they always leave...why do they always leave
crying yourself to sleep..wishing you could forget how to breathe..
These movies and books don't portray the real thing..
Just once Hollywood,show the world the real thing..
Show them  what we go through everyday..
When we no longer want to go on another day..
We'll just be the voices never heard..
Silence is the deadliest thing..but its the loudest thing in my world..
So I won't say another thing..I won't say another thing..
Youhurtsowell..So I guess you win..

picture source
music source

Are You?

picture source

We're all secretly searching for that one thing..for some, it's a person,for others it's just
anything
To fill this bleak emptiness we feel inside,but many of us disguise our sadness with a mask..because of our pride
But we have nothing to be ashamed of,no need to hide
We've all been alone girl,the important thing is..we continued..we survived
You've made it this far without him or her..
Soon enough you'll be better off without them,this phase will only be a blur
I've been to the bottom,all the way to the floor
A place where I didn't want to eat,or do any of the things I loved anymore
I would just listen to sad songs,and wish I didn't have to be alive no more..
But those feelings are long gone..
Now I scribble the words to my own song
I realized I was in control of my own happiness
All along...
Hopefully this will be a wake up call to you
Are you really going to let them take ...all your happiness away from you???

picture source
music source

Angel in my dream..

picture source

I dreamt of you today..just a moment ago
The thing is..I have no idea who you are..we have never spoken before..never exchanged ‘hello’
I don't even know if you're even dead or alive..
But after feeling so dead before,you've know awoken something inside me…something I never knew was alive
How can this be?
I've never dreamt of you before..
Maybe I have..a thousand times before
With a dream so powerful..it makes you want to continue dreaming
I can hear fireworks outside my window now,little kids filled with excitement & joy,tons of music and joyful screaming,
But none of that is as loud as you..
How you echo throughout my soul..the way you do
I guess I’ll have to call this ‘Angel in my dream’
Until we meet again…reality vs fantasy.. we'll meet somewhere in between

picture source

Just So..

picture source

I wish you were here with me..as I'm about to take a nap..
Just to have you close to me..just so I can know you're okay
Just so I can turn around as many times as I desire to see your face
Just so I won't feel so alone 
Just so I can squeeze you
Just so I can please you
Just so I can hear your laugh again
Just so you can lay on my chest while I play with your hair
Just so this bed wouldn't feel so big & empty
Just so we could be close all day..
But just so isn't so easy..knowing we are so far away..

picture source

Lost..

picture source

It seems I've been here before..
Yeah I remember this place..
Where nothing feels right..
Where I always finish last place..
Why do I do it to myself?
Am I the one to blame?
I had to leave everything & everyone behind..by getting on that plane
But I just wanted to be high..
Higher than everybody else..
Now I'm just lower..
The lowest I've ever seen myself..
Every day's a struggle..
No, everyday's a disaster..
The say good things come to those who wait..
I've been waiting for 24 years..I guess it won't come any faster..
Don't pity me though..I've become friends with this sadness
It's the only love I know will always be there for me,some may see that as madness
Seeing things from your point of view..I probably would too
I just want to be someone you like,I hate that,but it's true
I just want to wake up different,somebody brand new
No matter how many poems I write..I still can't seem to get it right
The moon & stars are my only friends..They're always there for me at night..
I just woke up,I probably should start of my day in a better way..
Maybe I'll finally follow out my plans..and finally get away..

Don't try to understand me,many have failed in the past
The only way people will ever know what's wrong with me,is through the soundsofmywords or youhurtsowell, never when they ask
It's like everyday is Halloween,the way we all pretend to be somebody else..and hide behind these mask
I'm guilty too, yeah, I'm guilty too
I fall so love with my fantasies, even though I know they can never come true
I guess I'll keep writing..as long as BANKS is still singing..but I have her song 'Brain' on repeat..so it keeps going back to the beginning
And I wish I could go to...go back to when it all started
I wouldn't of let you kill yourself,that's probably when my madness all started
You were my best friend..and I wasn't there
You probably felt alone as I feel,like no one in the world cares
So I live on for you..you always liked guns and the military..funny how I ended up joining the Airforce too..
It's the 4th of July,but wtf are some fireworks going to do
Freedom isn't free,but I still sacrifice for you
So enjoy the time with your family & friends..I'll be here licking my wounds..trying to make amends

I guess I shouldn't end it like that,so bitter & so cold
Just don't take things for granted,hug that person if you have somebody to hold
I wish you the best,I really do
This is just another attempt to fight my demons,I'll be fine, this is nothing new
I take a deep breathe,and think maybe everything will be okay
I love you all, Namaste

picture source
music source

Don't Blink..

picture source

Look her in her eyes..and tell her what you see
Even if it's only for tonight..make it as orgasmic as it can be..
She deserves to be touched in every kind of way..
No words are spoken..her heavy breathing,legs shaking & toes curling say everything they need to say
You pull her hair like no one has ever done before..
Everyday she was starting to feel a little less & less inside..but tonight she only wants more & more
For this moment..all the pain is gone
For this moment..nothing can go wrong
The words 'I love you are exchanged'
After tonight the sheets will have to be changed
Is it love that they're making..or is love out of the question
Scratches on his back..and hickeys on her neck..they're ready to go again & again, no hesitation

This is their only haven..away from it all
In a cruel,cruel world that's so big,they've only felt so small
But being together has changed that all
Yes their only night together has changed it all..
They don't care what happens next..
Constantly chasing the ghost called happiness is the destiny they accept
Pretending everything is okay..is a skill they've perfect

The sun has risen..and one of them have slipped away..
No note,no message..they've just gone away..
The other one sits there..thinks & thinks..
The pain is coming back..it sinks & sinks..
The smell of sex & regret..how it stinks..it stinks..
It's crazy how everything can change within a couple of blinks

picture source
music source

Since I Left..

picture source

It's been a couple of days since I left...
After leaving everyone I love behind..what really do I have left
Rediscovered some things in you,that I've never seen in anyone else before
Made me regret leaving all together a couple days before

So right now I'm here alone
Got a new chapter in front of me,First it was England..now Germany will be my home
Everything's so different,with no contacts to call what's the point of getting a new phone
Been kinda distant from social media for a while,needed some time to return back to my comfort zone

Looking back at all the pictures we took
Thinking hard about my next move,because it will shape how my future will look
If you're not in it...I don't really see the point
Always trying my best to make you proud,I don't ever want to disappoint

After watching 'The Fault in Our Stars',We had a little fight
I saw you break down like never before,it must of been hard to pretend for 3 years that everything was alright
But I'm proud of you,after all you've been through..you still have hope
It's sad to say,but in this life when people see you need help..instead of giving you a hand..
they'll rather help you tie a noose and give you the rope
That makes me think about all the 'Blood on the leaves'
It's okay though,we'll use that rope to help tie up all the greatness we'll achieve
No matter about how much job interviews..they tell you 'Thank you for your time,you can leave'
The most important thing is to never give up,always believe
Everyone back home is so proud of me for being in the Air Force,but to be honest..I'm more proud of you
You live through that everyday struggle..you don't even have a car or cell phone..and everyday you take the bus to school
That's one of the reason why I choose to pour my heart out to you..
Just name that one thing..there isn't one thing I wouldn't do

I learned that in life...you'll probably hurt a few good ones..and break a couple hearts
I do my best to avoid doing that,but trying to make everyone happy will eventually rip you apart
They want you to go this way..and that way..but wait a minute..did anyone even ask...'What does your heart say?'
They probably didn't because they don't really care,you told me your ex is in jail..part of me wishes he will just stay in there
This is one of the reasons I could never own a gun,my emotions could get the best of me..and before I know..bullets are saying how much I care
So I'd rather go the next route..and help you get out
That's with everyone's approval or without
It's crazy how everything I'm writing is true
I didn't even plan to write anything new
I never hold back when I write
My mind is a dark place..only through writing does my true thoughts come to light
I'm so grateful my two best friends didn't die in that car crash..because if they did..I probably would never been alright
And you know who you are..make sure you always buckle up when you're in the car
I should probably end this..too much is coming out
Until the next time we meet...when you finally decide to fly out

picture source
music source

The Catch Up..

picture source

And I've only been home for two days,
Took my family to the mall yesterday and told them pick up whatever they like,I'll pay
It feels so good to be able to do that
Back when I used to be a civilian I could never do that
Just trying to inspire my little brothers to do what's right
Told them there might be some murky days and bleak nights
But as long as you believe in you and strive for the best,everything will be alright
No more hate in my heart,so I'm more into teaching how to love than teaching how to fight
People keep comparing how different we are,when we really need to focus on how much we are alike
Tired of these random killings and acts of hate
Just how much more destruction can this world take?

We need to wake up,
Why does it feel like we're always in a race with love
Can we just catch up?
Or slow down
Even before the military...you were down
But I guess 3 years was too long,because now I'm back and  not a      s.....o.....u.....n.....d
A matter of fact,no one is really around
But what did I really expect?
The further you are away from someone,the harder the love is to accept
So say what you want,say what you may
But I still remember when I told you not to wait for me..funny how now I'm kinda regretting that day
I've met a couple good girls along the way
But I'm never sure what I want,and when I do figure it out..I have to move away
This military thing is a blessing and a curse
Knowing our love is gone forever,or not knowing love at all..which is worse?

It's about 9am back in England,but only 4am in Florida
People will take advantage of everything you're willing to give,and then ask more of ya
They won't see what you're worth until you're gone
Why does it seem like I'm the only one who thinks that's wrong?
I just want all my people to get along
We facetimed yesterday,while we were both in bed
Sometimes it feels like my heart always stayed with you even though the rest of me continued to move ahead

Damn, what's wrong with me
I don't hate certain people,I just wish they wouldn't bother me..

picture source
music source
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”
-F.Scott Fitzgerald