305 To My City..

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I'm still seeing places..I never dreamed I would see

I will never forget the people who always seem to see things in me, that even I can't see…

I'm not sure where I would be without you..

I'm not going to lie,sometimes these days alone are hard without you

I won't stop until you can possibly have everything you ever want or dream

Half way across the world,UK to America but we will always remain a team

And I have some people in Dubai..it's more like a 'to be continued' not really a goodbye

One of my best friends just got sent home,

I didn't even get to see him off,sometimes I'm not too sure what thoughts are scrabbling around my dome

Talking to someone,but where will it go..where will it lead

Not thirsty for that,but I'm hungry for love,and lessons from history show that one of the biggest misfortunes are greed

So I'm slowly separating all the things I want versus all the things I need

Back in boot camp I knew it line for line,hate to admit it but now I probably couldn't even recite the Airman's Creed

Where is it all really going?

This is probably the only place where I can be totally honest..that's what all this writing is showing

Are we really happier not knowing? 

I feel like I'm missing the most important moments,I can't even see how fast my little brothers are growing

I get it,I get it

You will always be something special to me,don't you ever forget it

(281) (713) (832) that's my city

I would give it all up for you..I just wish you could be here with me..

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Secrets

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"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others and

the ones we hide from ourselves."

She said she feels alone,she feels all by herself

She wants to experience love,she never known how it felt

All the words don't mean a thing..

If they simply slide off the tongue and not from that warm place within

How can you make someone happy..?If you're not happy yourself

All these people around are just pretending..I'm the only one who really wants to help

But that isn't enough..nothing ever is

Nothings really changed,we just want to be accepted, kinda like we are all just that one new kid

These days occur more than often when I don't have much to say

At the end of the day,who is really listening anyway

No one really knows you, do they..

Making the same mistakes..

Will only bring you back to those places you hate

The illusion of love,is what they feed off of,but also what they mastered how to fake

So I'll tell you again..it's all just pretend

A wolf in sheep's clothing,an enemy as a friend

I hate this game we play..because no one really wins anyway

No one really knows me,do they..

Some things are better off left unsaid

They say 'Don't just a book by its cover' but does that still make it okay to judge after its been read

The only two things that should really matter,is what you feel in your heart & what you know in your head

But instead..

We treat each other like we are already dead

With no love in sight,no one will ever be alright

It has been a bad week & a cold and dark day

No one really knows us,do they..

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Vulnerable

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Is anyone out there really happy? I just want to know

It's been 23 years..and I just want to grow

Grow out this hell,and be set free from this spell

I have a couple cousins who live like their prisoners

It's like their house is just one big cell

And I used to live with them for a while

 I just wanted to set them free

So they can live life the way it's suppose to be

But what exactly is life suppose to be

I guess that will have to remain the biggest mystery 

I keep listening to sad songs..Maybe because they appeal the most to me

And I guess I didn't appeal to you

I always care too much about people who don't deserve it,but that's just me being too true

And I hate being honest

Always being told I'm too negative,but we're living in a world where nothing is promised

I wish I didn't have to be so nice,

If only I could treat these girls like all the other dudes do,with a heart & soul as cold as ice

What has your days really become?

It seems like you're searching for the wrong things..constantly having to be someone else to have fun

Why I'm here?And why are you reading this

Is everything going the way its supposed to..or is there something I missed

It's already November so that means December & Christmas is pretty near

I hate this time of year

Because people think fake smiles and presents can make up for the entire year for which they didn't show they care

I'm just trying to let it all out,because I'm tired of holding it in

The moment we can all be comfortable with who we truly are,is the day I think we can all win

This writing thing…I wonder if it's a blessing or a curse

O that's right,I can just pretend everything in my life is perfect,but that would be worse

So ready to find out my next base..England was cool & all but I think my heart is meant for another place

Learning that my dreams & goals are the only things I should chase

It's been two years…and I finally got to talk to her

I asked when I finally make my return to Florida..what are my chance of seeing her…but she wasn't sure

Things are different now..so I might of lost my place

I told her it's okay,I was the one who said we should just be friends..that was probably my biggest mistake

So now I'm just here & I don't know how to end this

It's like this poem is just one long angry text..not really sure if I should send this

But I already wrote it,so it's basically done

They say only the real are truly Vulnerable..so I guess I'll be the only one…

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Open Letter

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After while..we will stop trying to live life for other people

And we will start living life for ourselves 

One day we will wake up..and we will know

Exactly who we are and why we are here

It's easy to be told you're not pretty enough

Or you can't do this and that

But it's not true

Because the truth is so rarely spoken or heard

I really wish people would realize that we are all stuck here

So we might as well help each other instead or hurting one another

Some days I wake up hating myself for no reason..and I don't even know why

And that's disturbing since everyone is always telling me I'm a great person & I have a golden heart

What I'm trying to say, is that..we all see something different in each other

You might not see how great you are…but someone will

Don't change who you are,unless it's really something you want to do

I want for you to be able to say, you love you for you

and for it to be true

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Valerie

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If you knew I was drowning…would you just watch and point like the others

I could probably say there was one girl who actually cared..will I ever find another?

Because one day…I will no longer try to stay afloat 

Eventually after having so many holes inside of it..your heart will sink forever ..kinda like a boat

The lights are bright around me,but it's pitch black inside

You act like you care about me,but I can see through the real intentions you try to hide

Why do I play along?Maybe for once..I just want to be wrong

Still searching for where I belong,when you find the girl you want to take to the top…people won't be happy until you're shot back down like King Kong

Maybe I should diagnosed with something…but I don't want to be put on any medication or pills

I'd rather deal with it naturally,so I will continue to bleed out in my poems..untill one day it finally kills

It's all just a game,It's all just a game

But are the players..or the creators the ones to blame

Or is it equal…some treat love & war the same

They don't care…unless it's in their favor,something beneficial to gain 

Soundsofmywords might be done forever

But I was always told to never say never

I feel like it's time to focus on Youhurtsowell

Maybe just because I've been hurt so well

When your in that trance of 'love',you're probably under one of the strongest holds or spell

I still regret the things I did to you..if you couldn't tell

Every year it gets worse,the amount I have fell

Maybe meant to be an angel…but it feels like I keep getting closer to Hell

Hoping for the best,but expecting the worse

It's probably been half a year since I've been inside a church

Maybe this is what I get,always thought maybe it would be a blessing to forget

Things might never get better..is what I've learned to accept 

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Connect

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Just give me some time to figure some things out

Everytime I feel a little bit of turbulence,I just fall back and fly a different route

And she thinks I talk to too many girls..

If only she knew how much they didn't mean..what her & I share is totally on a completely different world

So now I'm just here thinking..what's she thinking

They say miracles can happen at a blink of a eye..so I'm just sitting here blinking

Every text or ring I get I hope its her..I told her everything I needed to tell her,but was it good enough..I won't be sure

So now I'm writing since it's basically the only decent thing I know how to do

It's funny how I was trying to let go of the past,but those same messages are the cause of the problems that we're going through

So I guess I have nobody to blame but me

It's been two years with nobody..but me

And she's number number three

And I don't want to go over five

That's only if God's willing and I'm still able to love & still be alive

Because life will push you to the edge..And how I'm feeling now..I'm ready to dive

I'm not afraid of the fall,I've been at the bottom before

Most of the time completely numb,so no one can hurt me more than I can hurt myself..and that's something I'm completely sure

I always vent to you..because I don't feel like there is anyone else safe to vent to

While I'm just writing these words,part of me feels like I'm meant to

"I'll still be around,when it all falls down,I wish you would learn to how to love people and use things and not the other way around"

So now everything is just laid out on the ground..

You were here the entire weekend,now my place is so quiet..silence is just the loudest sound

I guess I never learn,now I just want another tattoo..

I've kinda got used to the pain of the needle and the burn

And we both feel like we're going crazy inside

I told her that's nothing to be ashamed of,I so messed up I had to make two different blogs just to let everything out..I really have nothing to hide

Could probably write to this song forever..The say the first step is admitting you have a problem..so I hope we get better..

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Someone Like You pt.2

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And I'm just always so far away
No matter how close I get,something happens & I can no longer go that way
Looking so forward to the day
When all my prayers get answered and my family is finally okay
Living within a dream
Wondering if all the good things I do will ever mean anything

Sometimes it just takes too much
So much pressure,it feels like my spirit will soon be crushed
They say ' patience is a virtue ' so I try not to rush
What's the point of laying next to someone if they're is no emotional touch
If only love was as easy as lust..

23 years and the world still isn't any clearer
A picture might be worth a thousand words,but what words come to mind when you look in the mirror
Find the person who would cry you a river
Whenever you make a promise..do your best to deliver
I promise if yours was ever failing..I would lay on that table & give you my liver
She has hurt me once before..now I'm not too sure if it's smart to forgive her..

Missing home..
No matter how much people are around..I just always feel alone
It seems only music can lift me out of this zone
The worst part of being a king,is the feeling you get once your overthrown
Feeling like you're no longer wanted,or that no one cares
These are just some real thoughts that it feels like no one else is willing to share
I want to make you so happy,so happy that it brings you to tears
Roller coasters,heights,being in the middle of the sea & failure are some of my biggest fears
I have a feeling I'll overcome them all once the end of my time is near
What I wouldn't do to go back there
Always distant but you helped me feel here
They say the good ones go..so I do my best to prepare
Hate will make things more foggy,so try loving to see clear
Waiting for them to create the first time machine so I can travel so far ahead or behind
that I can finally disappear
I'm not really sure how I feel about the electric chair
'There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed & blissfully unaware'
-Doug Larson
Maybe my feelings have gone too numb
When you're living in a foreign country,everybody back home always ask when your going to come
You don't know what you got till it's gone
I feel true love disappeared years go..I need someone like you to show me I'm wrong..

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